Time is relative. It waits for no man. It flies when you’re having fun. And it is loosely applied when you’re making plans with friends in Brazil.

It was Heleno’s birthday and he was having a party. “Come around 8 o’clock,” he told us. At 8:30, I was getting a bit antsy. Denise was finishing getting ready, and I thought it was high time we left. “We’re going to be late!” I told her. “This is Heleno, remember?” she replied.

If someone invites you to a party, you should always arrive at least 30 minutes after the time they suggest. Culturally, most Brazilians run late for social events – be they guests or hosts. This 30 minute grace-period allows the host more time to prepare or to make up for any mishaps that may have occurred before their guests arrive. It allows the visitor time to perfect themselves before leaving, making any meticulous adjustments they need to look as good as possible, and also a reasonable window for unexpected traffic or taxi problems.

Professionally, though, it’s a different story. If someone is buying or selling a service, you can expect them to be prompt or even early unless something completely unexpected takes place. Time is, after all, money. And there’s no messing about when it comes to the mighty dollar – or ‘Real’ in our case. Of course, doctors and telephone companies are exempt from this professional punctuality, just as they are in the rest of the world.

Now Heleno is a very good friend and I have a lot of time for him, but he is completely incapable of running on time. We were doing a teaching course together and as I lived on the way, he would give me a lift each day. We had a lot of fun screaming through the streets, ducking and weaving through the lines of buses, cars, motorbikes and occasional horse-drawn cart, completing the 30-minute journey in 10 minutes and arriving perfectly on time and without any speeding tickets.

But that was work-related. One time we were going to a party. Denise and I were both ready and waiting. And waiting. Heleno arrived 45 minutes after the time we’d arranged. The next time we went out together it was one hour. Then there was the time we invited him and his girlfriend to our place for dinner along with a few other friends. After half an hour waiting for him, we called to check his progress. ‘15 minutes,’ he said. Then every 15 minutes after that we got the same promise until he finally arrived two hours late.

One of his, and many other Brazilians’, favourite lines is “Tô chegando,” which means “I’m arriving now.” This is of course very liberally applied. In most countries, ‘I’m arriving now’ means ‘I’m parking the car’ or ‘I’m about to walk through the door’. Here it is used when you’re still a few kilometres away, when you’re grabbing your keys, or even when you still need to have a shower and get changed. Depending on who says it, you learn pretty quickly whether it means they’ll be there in ten minutes, thirty minutes or an hour.

Once Denise was ready, we caught a bus and arrived at the party around 9:30. There were already quite a few guests and the party was swinging. I felt a bit bad so I went to apologise to Heleno for being a bit late, but he told me not to worry. It turned out he had only arrived fifteen minutes before us.

“Yeah, I ran a bit late today,” he said. “But at least I got here before almost everyone.”